This is the first chapter of my story. I don’t really know if I can call this chapter. I don’t know how much words should a chapter contain, let alone what should it contain. But hopefully, you could give me insights on how bad did it go. Thanks looking forward to your responses or violent reactions.
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The Rashadine village was celebrating the 32nd anniversary of its independence. Each of them wore their greatest attire. People were decorating their respective hats, wanting to look their best. Foods are already prepared for the night’s feast. Their upper garment always consists of sleeveless brown shirt with red stripes lay upon the middle. They also bore beads of skull around their neck. Their nose were pierced with the sharp fangs of a sabertooth tiger. The lower garment resembled tight short pants that only runs down before the kneecap. They wore no footwear for their feet were thick enough not to feel the earth.
At the center of a venue stood three totems, each carved into an eagle. On the totems’ side laid a group of logs, waiting to be lit. The totems were surrounded by a circle of variety of food, waiting to be eaten. The Rines, the inhabitants, stood behind the fruits, waiting for the ceremony to start.
They had no problem setting up the place. All of the Sani were strong. They could lift a log at one hand. They knew work long before they could eat. They could do several jobs at a time for they a four long arms. Arms bigger than their legs. They could climb on trees without losing their grip because of their sharp claws. They made good partner for hunting. Neighboring villages even requested for their service for they were known on their hunt of expertise.
Despite the festive mood, not all of them were excited or even prepared. Soren sat at the top most branch of the tree, facing the village. He sat twirling his white hair wondering when will this ever end. He didn’t know the significance or even appreciated the event. People of the village can’t blame him for he was born that very day.
Comparing infants from other villages, the Rine’s were most comprehensible. Upon their birth they knew how to utilize their native language, to play with there legs, to recognize a food, to hunt. However, they were deeply afraid. They ran away because they are afraid of being killed. However, they couldn’t go out of the village for they were magically trapped until they were given permission. To overcome this condition, an elderly Rine should win the trust of the infant. If successful, the infant will be the son of the elderly Rine. The infants were conceived through a tree and it only happens once every fulcrum period, in this case the feast.
The infants were obliged to follow their father. They were taught and trained of how to be an effective hunter. It lasted for a quarter of fulcrum period. After the training, they were sent out to find their Empress. She was killed along with the village’s conquerers. But they believe she had been revived to the other side of the island. They send five Rines every fulcrum period but until now they hadn’t heard of their journey.
They were about twenty two of them this period. All of them were already on the ground except Soren. Unlike all other infants, Soren didn’t know how to speak. He had the most agile body which made him difficult to catch. The elderly Sanis were bothered for if an infant that has the incapacity to communicate were bound to be killed and offered to the ground earth. They hadn’t killed one since their independence.
Soren was still pondering when this moment would end. For one thing, he seemed to like silence. He had covered his ears with both hands. Suddenly, the other branch gave a sudden shudder and a dull thud. It was nothing to Soren for he did not cared about anything – almost everything. Until a gigantic figure appeared from the other side of the tree, holding a rope. Soren rose upon on his feet but before he could move an inch the figure had already thrown the rope and quickly entangled it all over his body. He tried to break the rope with his hands and then after his teeth. Nothing happened and even worse the rope tightened it’s grip, as if it felt his attempt.
The figure strode and jump to the nearest branch. Now, its face was in front of Soren. It had a query beard that shaped a distorted “S” and was connected on his braided hair. He released a deafening roar. But none of the others didn’t response, they were all too busy in the occasion. They were supposed to watch this action. After a long silence, the face of the figure was troubled, probably wondering what was the proper word to say.
“Yo-You are m-mine!”, said the figure, staggering with his own voice. Despite its great physique, Soren didn’t seemed to be troubled. He merely shrugged. Then he roared again, saying its confession this time with more confidence. Then the figure stared at Soren’s eyes and Soren too did the same. As if they were playing see-whose-eyes-are-good game. To the figure’s surprise, the skinny boy slowly opened it’s mouth, giving the figure a bit of hope but it merely whistled a tune and now avoiding the figure’s eyes. The figure didn’t took away it’s formidable gazed and as if Soren was now annoyed, he straightened his self and began to clear his throat.
“What gives you the authority to own me?” said Soren, now freeing his left hand and began twirling his hair.
“Because I am stronger than you,” said the figure, with a pattern of uncertainty.
“Choose your reasons carefully,” said Soren, looking up at the figure.
“What other reasons are there?” shrugged the figure.
“Hmm, let me see”, Soren said, while clasping his hands at his back, “Are you intellegent?”
“Well I am quite –”
“I don’t need a guardian who have less knowledge than me”, Soren said abruptly.
“Well I can teach something that nobody else can”
“Let me guess… barking with saliva gushing everywhere”
“You are rather rude as I thought”
“Well you’re dumber than I expected”
“Anyways, I can tell you how to cook. I am one of the last to learn from the masters”
“Hmm… here’s a better option could you let me meet them. I know they are better than you”
“Unfortunately, they are all dead. I am the best there is. So are you convince yet?”
“Hmm not, I guess I’ll wait for somebody else”
“Else is no other than me” he said silently that Soren didn’t even hear this. The figure collected the rope and turned around and casted a reproachful look.
Soren was disappointed to see a weak Rine. He waited till somebody would meet him. He began to climb down several branches so now he was visible to the party. But none of them seems to notice. He waited but none appeared and fell asleep instead on his hands. The morning broke. The light shone upon his face only to discover that he was now surrounded by thousand of faces. He quickly rose to his feet and pushing everybody around. He was unsure what he was doing on the ground. He lowered his body preparing to give an enormous leap and suddenly he was now in the mid air. At the view, he could see more eyes lay upon his face. All of them wore the same expression, smiling.
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Thanks for taking the time to read. Have a Good Day!
As I’ve already read it, I won’t comment now until the next chapter is live. But I sure do have an opinion. Leave the story from blockquote. If you want, you can blockquote the first part of the post, but the way you made it makes reading very uncomfortable. Words should be straight. Italic or bold the words that you want your readers to pay attention into.
Hope you don’t mind me being suggestive. 😀
Thanks mate. I don’t really pay attention to format but now I will.
It sounds like you’re off to a good start. Keep writing every day, or as many days as you can, and you’ll meet your goals.
Thanks. Sure, I will write everyday now that I’m free from sickness 🙂
“Let me guess… barking with saliva gushing everywhere”
I like that. 🙂
I’m glad you did 😀
I agree with the other poster about the blockquote and italics.
Your chapter’s really interesting but I did notice that you seem to keep switching tenses from Past to Present. There’s a few places where you are missing things like “a” and where you’ve put the wrong form of the word e.g. cared instead of care. Good Luck with ROW.
Thanks Anika. I will look carefully for the verbs.
Nice start. As another poster noted, I noticed some tense changes, so watch out for those. I like this so far. Keep it up!
You’re making great progress!!! Good job so far. I’ll keep coming back to read more! 🙂